Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
