hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
