Swine flu. Run for my life!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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