I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So much Jack, so little girl.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
