the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
