I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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