YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
