I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
