trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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