Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
