I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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