I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
