I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
