the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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