Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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