We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Floor bacon is actually really good
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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