sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
