I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
ttyl tear gas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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