My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
