Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
