Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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