he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
