So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
