I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
