Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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