Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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