Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i've created a new STD.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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