New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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