Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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