so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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