i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
