I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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