Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
