I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
