She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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