I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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