just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
