Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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