I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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