I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
