omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
