Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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