I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
