I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
