a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
