How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
