exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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