I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
