Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
