I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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