i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
